Tomorrow marks sixteen years since I have lost my grandmother. I was trying to be on the right path when she died. I was working and doing somewhat good for myself again. When she passed I just jumped right off the deep end back into everything. I was so lost. I had never felt so empty in my life. This has kept me in a vicious cycle for more than a decade. She had warned me how my life would turn out if I kept using drugs and alcohol. I didn't believe her and thought I had everything under control.
Little did I know where addiction would take me. I pushed everyone who loved me away. The only friends I had left were ones that were using. I was in such a dark spot in my life. I thought my daughter being born would help me get on the right track again but it didn't. I kept drinking and smoking weed to cope with life. I did occasionally try hard drugs but that only worked till the money ran out.
It wasn't till I went to rehab I learned what trauma was. It took a lot of therapy to get through all my life's missed conceptions. By that, I mean just because I was a man that we don't have feelings. That is the biggest lie of all time. We have to express those feelings and work through them. Cause if we don't we will just continue to cope the only way we know.
Today I chose to live a life in recovery. I give my mom all of my recovery coins. She puts them next to my grandmother's ashes. I know that she does look down on me and is proud of my recovery.
Later,
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