Depiction of Reality

Let's be honest most of us in recovery have gone through a lot of unnecessary chaos and like the picture above depicts, our own personal atomic bombs that we just kept adding fuel to the fire by our substance abuse. Many of us have claimed that we thrive on the chaos, but in reality, the chaos is just laughing in our face waiting to engulf us completely turning us upside down, inside out and spitting out the remains. My story is no different, for the longest time, pretty much my whole entire life, I felt like I had control of my using and that I never really had a problem. I always felt like I was the writer, producer, and director of my own movie and I was so special that I would never fall victim to the decades of abuse I put myself, friends, and family through. In some respects, I still feel as though I'm still the star of my own show, but instead of living in constant, uncontrollable chaos, I feel like God had opened my eyes and allowed me to see that even though I control the decisions I make, both good or bad, I don't have to do everything myself and that I really do need other people. Unfortunately, sometimes other people's decisions can directly affect me, and if I don't notice what is going on can really through a wrench into my day-to-day routines or plans.

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In the past, other people's choices or decisions controlled my life. I was constantly worried about what they were doing, how they were screwing up my movie. Today, by just focusing on what I am doing right or wrong, I know longer let those people control my life. I do my very best I can in whatever situation I find myself in and realize that my decisions hold the most weight on where my life is headed. I never really understood the term or phrase: "letting someone live rent free in your head", until I no longer let them do so. The amount of wasted time and energy I spent on worrying about what others were doing and how it affected me almost drove me to my final resting place. Today, I live with the decisions I make and realize that that's the only part of the movie I control. I can't control people, places, or things around me, but I can control my response to situations. I make plenty and I mean plenty of mistakes and faulty decisions, but through what I have learned since getting sober, I can reflect on those mistakes and just strive to do better the next time or not make the same choice the next time around.

The reality of the situation and the reality of our own stories are ultimately controlled by us and us alone. Every person we meet, every situation we encounter are not by mistake. There are billions of people living in the world right now, each and every one of them are on their own journey led by the decisions and choices they make. They are essentially starring in their own movies as well. Sometimes the plot or storyline of their movie collides with ours, what we do after that fact is totally up to you. Stop letting other people star in your movie, stop letting others live rent free in your head, just focus on doing the next right thing and continue on. Know that you will have hiccups or bumps in the road, sometimes you will fall, but always get back up, dust yourself off and continue writing your story. I'm grateful that I live today without other people's problems ruling my life and I hope one day everyone will feel the same freedom I feel today. Until next time stay blessed and just keep doing the next right thing. Love you all!