When I was young I had this old wooden toy box that was pretty big for a little kid. It made toy "clean up" at the end of the day pretty easy. Mom would come by and say it was time to clean up and all of my toys would be tossed into the open-topped wooden box. At a certain age, I realized that some of the smaller trinkets I played with would fall down the side corners and there would be these little pockets of treasures that I was too small to reach. That first time I had grown long enough arms to reach down there I felt like an explorer that had finally reached their goal of discovering the lost city of Atlantis. You know, that feeling you get when you finally dig to the bottom of the sandbox for the first time.
"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure." -Joseph Campbell
I'd be sitting there playing with the little treasures I had just rediscovered. I hadn't seen them in forever! Looking back it was most likely a month or two. But I got to remember the joy of when I received my almost lost forever toys and find fun in getting to play with them again. Then came the expedition of the deep dark corner aaaall of the way in the back of the box, which was in the corner of the room. The hardest to reach...the quest was on!
"To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more." -Mandy Hale
This made me think of what I'm doing in my life now. Digging through my past, doing shadow work, and releasing the trauma and shame of things that have happened to me and happened because of me. These are my little trinkets from the deep dark corners of my mind's toy box that I hadn't grown enough to reach until this point in my recovery journey. I have to sit with these memories now and remember what it was like when they were given to me, be it a joyful or not-so-nice moment in my life. This process is critical to accepting the things I cannot change and after the rush of feelings that are waiting for me in those memories, I get this beautiful sense of freedom after releasing myself from the bonds of the less-than-positive emotions I had buried in the dark corners of my minds toy box.
Now.. for that darkest part in the corner of the room. The quest is on!!
Until next time.
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