Just for thoughts.

I was asked by my husband, "Do you ever just sit on the couch look at your child, and wonder how and why she has turned out the way she has, when you raised her different?"

At first I was like no, because what pops in my head is she is 17, second she is just trying to explore her life and find what road she is traveling on. But as the day has went on I have been thinking about what my husband said and I have to say yes. There has been many of times I sit back and wonder like where the fuck did you learn to behave like that and think it is ok? I also wonder like how many times do I have to ask "just tell me the truth" when you lie to me the consequences are worse. I seldom ask myself like where did I go wrong with this child? Like raising her in my recovery wasn't enough for her, watching me struggle, watching us bust our asses working for what we have. Teaching her to tell the truth, not get in the car with someone under the influence, do your school now while that is your main job as a kid. List could go on and on.

Really I have just tried my absolute best to learn and parent the best way I know how to. I have to also remember I was a teen and didnt want to listen to adults advice, like they knew what was best for me. I have to remember no one was going to get me sober or stop doing what I wanted to, tell I was ready to make that decision to change. So, I try hard to remember that and get out of her way. I am reminded to tell her I love her, and love her no matter what. I do not have to like what she is doing.

Parenting does not come with a handbook. It is not easy, to accept that I dont have control over her, that she is becoming an adult and I have to let her fall and fail to learn. Thank you for the people I have for the support when times are hard. Remember we cant do this alone.