I've been writing about this time of year because it's...well, this time of year AND it can be difficult for pretty much everyone. In recovery or not. For those of you who aren't reading this between Christmas and New Year's, I'm talking about the holiday season and its many stressors that hide behind the parties, family time, and seasonal jingles on the radio. This time of year, and this year especially, allows us to exercise some important mental health muscles. Especially for people in recovery. So today I present the topic of:
BOUNDARIES
Let me paint a picture for you. The holidays this year have been especially stressful for me because Deer-vel Knievel decided to test their reflexes in front of me a week before Christmas... One totaled Chevy Malibu and broke single dad later we're knocking on Santa's door and all H. E. double hockey sticks break loose in the stress department for this ole boy. That's not to mention toxic family members up to no good and two people close to me losing very close loved ones. The holiday season just adds that extra level of obligation on top of that to tip those anxiety scales toward the unmanageable side. How do you combat that?
"The first step in this journey is to remember that a great deal of the stress we feel at the holidays is of our own creation." —Dr. Daisy Sutherland
People in recovery are going to recognize this: Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and have the wisdom to know the difference. Many people say this regularly. How many of us actually do it? What part of my stressful holiday season can I apply this to, and where do boundaries come in? Well, hold on, I'm about to tell ya. But I'm going to keep it simple and give you two examples.
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The only things that I can change are how I respond to situations I put myself into. I worded that very intentionally. I NEED to respond to not having a working vehicle, I NEED to respond to having a holly jolly Christmas for the kids in my life, I NEED to make sure my mental health is staying in a healthy place for my career, son, and my own sake. So this means I do not NEED to interact with people whose bad behavior is going to raise my blood pressure, and I do not NEED to put myself in places that are going to do similar.
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This year I put my need for transportation on the top priority after getting my son where he needed to be for the holidays. I also kept myself away from the family members and other people in my life who were causing the most stress. The result was new, needed, transportation (I'm a truck owner now y'all...what!?), and then I limited time around people (boundaries), places, and things that didn't add to my serenity. I got to have a great Christmas with awesome people, and it was one of the best holidays I've had in a very long time.
So, the moral of the story is to be self-aware. Boundaries can be hard to put in place and they can be almost as difficult to keep there. But, I can tell you that once you can maintain them, where needed, they can literally be the difference between a serine mind and surfing the edge of relapse. This holiday season my boundaries have been as tight as the North Pole's Border Patrol, see ya next year Santa..
Until next time.
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