A few weeks back, I was juggling the idea of going back to school and taking double full-time credits on top of work and everything else that is going on in my life. I'd like to announce that I am no longer doing this, I have decided to not try and overwhelm myself and take on a lighter load. I didn't want to do this, but I feel like the decision is the right move. I have 2 teenage boys that both play football for different schools on different days, also one of those kids are in marching band, so he must also perform at the varsity games, so that takes up 3 nights of my week just with my kids school activities. At my job one of the cooks and the person I stand side by side next to everyday is leaving, making me the only trained employee at the position, I have court proceedings I am in the midst of and will be continuing for the next few months. That is just to talk about a few things, I have many other things that are important to me and my schedule.
As much as I wanted to get all my credits done and graduate this semester instead of next, I took a step back and actually played the tape through. Yes, I could have gotten it all done, but what would my grades have looked like? How good for my mental health would that really be? I talked with the Dean and a few professors and decided that taking a lighter load this semester and just finishing next would be the best idea. In the past and probably not even that long ago I would have never let myself talk me out of doing this reasonable thing. My ego would have been too big, and my "I have to prove everyone wrong" mindset would have let me just keep going and run myself into the dirt.
I'm grateful that today I have the ability to work these things out with other people and myself and take others constructive criticism, thoughts, and opinions and not just use it as another piece of fuel for the dumpster fire I usually throw myself into. It does hurt a little that my goals can't be met as soon as I would have liked them to, but I also take pride in the fact that I noticed a red flag and instead of ignoring it I proceeded with caution and maybe even a little intellect. This is one failure that I am proud to say I didn't fully make thanks to the things I've learned over the last year plus. Every hard decision made and made without ruining my life or making it worse makes the next one that much easier. For the first time I am actually content with just trying and not succeeding instead of always trying to do everything and wonder why I'm miserable or back doing regretful things. Thanks for listening, until next time.
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