Things have seemed to be travelling at warp speed as of late, seems like just yesterday I was ringing in the new year with my oldest two sons in Detroit for their first professional sporting event and now here we are six weeks later and less than a week away from Valentine's Day. Where has time gone? Now that I sit and think about it this feels eerily reminiscent of the last couple of decades of my life, but things are by far, way more different and in a positive way than they were in the past. Yes, my days seem to never have enough hours in them, and I can never be in too many places at the times I need to be, but I embrace the challenges today, because a vast majority of my jam-packed schedule is filled with positive activities or things that will benefit me and my family in the future. Rather than spending my time inadvertently trying to kill myself through drugs and alcohol I'm being a productive member of society, furthering my education, being a reliable employee and most importantly being (not a perfect) a father and a solid foundation that my kids can count on. Through all the tough times, all the having to come to me because they know I will handle it, the questions about life, the milestones and celebrations, I can finally see the big picture of things, I can see my purpose. I see it every time one of my kids come to me with a question or an accomplishment or a need. The best feeling about it all is it came naturally, it never really left, but I feel as though they have been testing me, and I passed the test. They know that their dad is here to stay. No more flaking off and ignoring my responsibilities, no more drowning my fears and anxieties away in a bottle, I am here, I am present, and I am trying my absolute best to be the very best version of me that I can be.
I feel like the biggest hurdle is behind me, and that was getting sober, but I know that the most challenging parts of my journey still lies ahead. I've firmly planted and rooted myself back into everyday society and with that comes all the responsibilities I've been ducking and dodging for years. I've always set boundaries regarding what I was going to use this platform to talk about and especially not to talk about anyone other than myself and I plan to stick to that, but with the aging of my children new challenges are arising, along with the mending of relationships comes with the heartbreak of severing ties with others. The pink cloud phase of my recovery is long gone, but the memories of how I used to live my life and sadly the way some of those most dear to me chose to live theirs brings me gratitude that I GET to deal with these next challenges, and I can be fully present in all other aspects of my life while doing so. Thank you for listening and until next time.....
Comments